27th February 12
So I found out last week I may not even really be bipolar. Mixed feelings. I started psychotherapy for my intense anxiety issues, and come to find out her personal opinion is that I’m ADHD. And also a victim of what seems to be a clear cut overdiagnosis of bipolar disorder amongst doctors. Think of it this way, I’m 18 years old and have a doctor tell me I am bipolar because my grades are great and my concentration nd stress is only “so-so” (the amount of a normal college student, of course.) Just the trust factor alone, when paired with the stigma placed upon me to fufill a role… I was doomed. I hate to think all the fuck-ups in my life due to being bipolar were actually just me being stupid. But it would explain why I react so horrible to antidepressents, essentially causing panic attacks and extreme lows. I don’t know who to believe… the new untrusted doctor, or the pill-crazed doctors?
2nd February 12
At 21 years of age I’d like to think I have some sort of idea about what life is and is not. For one thing, if there’s ones thing my parents have always said its, “life’s not fair.” Life is not pretty, it is not dainty and pure. Life is angry, spiteful, raw. Life is terrifying, and wondrous, but it is never devoid of emotion.
Life can be beautiful, like blah blah *insert powerful simile with outstanding imagery.* But no one really has time for Life, which is weird because all Life is, is time.
Well actually, according to Google, Life is:
good, beautiful, a highway, crime, short, fantastic, and hard.
Sounds about right. Fuck, I think I know too much about life. Are you still reading? Life is every missed phone call that was actually just ignored. Life sometimes fucks you and doesn’t call you the next day, or maybe you don’t call it?
Life is a world of bad people going places, and good people standing still. Life is every moment when you have to stop and think to yourself, “Holy fuck. That’s just wrong.” Because in life, you can get away with a lot of mean things.
Life is like the Internet. It’s massive, anonymous, swift. But who’s to blame when Life fucks you over? Life can sometimes be described as that guy you pass by who’s wearing too much cologne and you feel like you might suffocate. Life could never come right out and strangle you, it has to find passive ways about it.
Which brings me to my final point, life is definitely out to kill you. Doesn’t matter how. And it will always win. And sometimes Life is full of people trying to end their own life. You can kill yourself, but you can’t kill Life. Life, like Death is eternal.
Life sucks?
12th January 12
my drug problem get out of hand again. Falling, falling.
29th December 11
The very best you can get in my town right now. Homegrown and beautiful.
23rd December 11
Secret: I can’t get through a shift at work without seriously dozing up on klonopin. My panic attacks are back…. Yet nonexistent when I’m with him… Oh life you’re silly.
14th December 11
and finish my bachelors. I know that my degree is going to be so useless, and I could care less. Time to make ME happy. And that will only involve majoring of course, in English-creative writing.
14th December 11
What is this from?
(Source: carocaruso04, via megwirtz)
12th December 11
You don’t realize how amazing it feels to be normal again. To feel absolutely amazing, completed.
10th December 11
Pelvic infection. Doctor gives me Vicodin. Holy shit, wtf doctor? Florida doctors hand out opiates like candy. I’m not complaining though. I’m at work and my legs feel like jelly. I’m fuckin flying.
